Glossary
The words for what's happening
Having a name for a pattern breaks its power. These are the terms people run into most often when trying to make sense of a narcissistic relationship — parent, partner, co-parent, or boss. Plain-language definitions, short realistic examples, and where in the plan to go next.
Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a pattern of manipulation that makes you doubt your memory, perceptions, or sanity. Plain-language definition with an example and steps.
DARVO
DARVO — Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. How narcissists flip accountability and cast themselves as the victim.
Hoovering
Hoovering is when a narcissist tries to suck you back in after you leave — with love, apologies, crises, or third parties.
Love bombing
Love bombing is an intense flood of affection and attention early in a relationship, used to fast-track trust and dependency.
Grey rock
Grey rock is a technique of becoming boring, flat, and unreactive so a narcissist has no emotional fuel to feed on.
BIFF
BIFF stands for Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm — a communication style for messages to a high-conflict person.
Flying monkeys
Flying monkeys are third parties — relatives, friends, coworkers — who carry a narcissist's messages or pressure on their behalf.
Trauma bond
A trauma bond is the intense emotional attachment that forms between someone and their abuser through cycles of harm and reward.
Smear campaign
A smear campaign is a narcissist's coordinated effort to rewrite the story to others — casting themselves as the victim and you as the villain.
Narcissistic supply
Narcissistic supply is the attention, admiration, or reaction a narcissist needs from others to regulate how they feel about themselves.
Discard
The discard is the phase when a narcissist abruptly ends or withdraws from a relationship, often cruelly and often not the final act.
Enmeshment
Enmeshment is a family pattern where boundaries between people are so blurred that individual identity, privacy, and choice feel unsafe.