Step 2 of 2 — your plan
Workplace
Surviving a narcissistic boss or coworker
At work you often can't go no-contact, so the play is to document, protect your reputation, and limit their leverage over you.
Tip: if you share this device, use a private / incognito window so this visit isn't saved in your history.
What do you need right now?
Pick what fits — we'll jump you to the part of the plan that helps.
Protect yourself
This is your single most important habit. Keep a dated record and create paper trails.
- After verbal instructions or meetings, send a polite “just to confirm” email summary.
- Save praise and completed work — it counters rewritten history.
- Keep your records on a personal device, not just company systems.
Try saying — “Thanks for the chat — confirming I’ll handle X by Friday and you’ll cover Y. Let me know if I’ve misunderstood.”
Do it here: open the private incident log. Entries are stored only on this device — nothing is uploaded.
Narcissists provoke to get a reaction they can use against you. Stay calm, professional, and unflustered — especially in writing and in front of others.
Tip — Reply to facts, not jabs. A measured tone makes them look like the problem, not you.
A narcissistic boss may dangle praise and then withhold it. Anchor your self-worth in your actual results and the respect of trustworthy colleagues, not their moods.
Limit their leverage
Don’t let them control your narrative. Build genuine relationships with peers, other leaders, and clients so your reputation doesn’t rest on one person.
- Make your contributions visible to more than just your boss.
- Cultivate witnesses and mentors who see your real work.
Keep interactions task-focused and within work norms. Decline inappropriate demands politely but firmly, and loop in others when scope creeps.
Try saying — “I want to do this well — can we align on priorities so I focus on what matters most this week?”
Know your options
HR exists to protect the company, not you — but documented, policy-violating behavior (harassment, discrimination) is something they must act on. Bring specifics, dates, and evidence, not just feelings.
If leadership enables the behavior, the healthiest move is often to leave on your terms. Quietly update your resume, network, and explore roles while you’re still employed.
Tip — Your mental health is worth more than any single job. A toxic boss is a reason to go, not a personal failure.
Support & resources
Employee Assistance Program (EAP — free confidential counseling via many employers); employment attorney (for harassment / discrimination / retaliation); 988; Psychology Today therapist finder.