Narcissist First AidCalm, private, step-by-step

If you are in immediate danger, call 911. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233 (or text START to 88788).

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Grey rock — quick reference

Grey rock means becoming as boring and unreactive as possible so a narcissist has no emotional fuel to feed on. Use it for short-term protection during unavoidable contact, not as a permanent way to live.

Rules of thumb

  • Keep answers short, flat, and factual.
  • Don’t Defend, Explain, or Justify (DEJ).
  • Share no personal news, plans, or feelings.
  • Stay physically calm — soft voice, neutral face.
  • End the conversation early. Have an exit line ready.

Grey-rock phrases to memorize

  • “Okay.”
  • “Hmm.”
  • “I’ll think about it.”
  • “That’s an interesting perspective.”
  • “You may be right.”
  • “I don’t know.”
  • “Let’s talk about this later.”

Exit lines

  • “I need to get going — talk soon.”
  • “I’m going to step away for a bit.”
  • “I can’t continue this conversation right now.”

Afterwards

  • Message one safe person. Debrief.
  • Write a dated note of what happened.
  • Do one small thing that calms your body — water, walk, breath.
Narcissist First Aid — narcissistfirstaid • General educational info, not medical or legal advice. If you are in danger, call your local emergency number.